3 Down...

I have just finished my 3rd week of UBC. It seems to be going so fast. When I think about it, I can see that I have worked out 20 of the last 23 days. Is that possible? Me? But it has honestly been great. I have felt so spoiled to be able to count on this time each day and have my wonderful husband holding down the fort so I can go. (Thanks honey!) My parents even came and spent the night last night since Dan is out of town so I could go work out this morning. (Thanks Mom and Dad!) I'm sure they thought it was a weird reason for me to ask for help, but they came anyway and I really appreciated it. Yesturday, I had to go to the 6 am workout since Dan was going to be gone last night and I didn't want to be gone the entire time my parents were here. The morning workouts are always good, but yesturday was the first day that I would have given ANYTHING to stay in bed. My Thursday workout didn't end until almost 9 pm and then I had to go grocery shopping, so it was after midnight by the time I had everything put away and got to bed. I don't sleep well when I know I have to get up early, so it was a fitful sleep and then I basically watched the clock from 4 to 5 am afraid I was going to oversleep. Five o'clock came around and I was sooo tired. I was trying so hard to think of a way to work out later. But to no avail. I knew I had to do it then or I would miss my chance. I hadn't missed a workout yet and as I said, I even had my parents coming in last night so I wouldn't miss one today. So I got my tired bootie up out of bed and went to work out. I wish I could say that once I got there, I snapped out of it and had an awesome workout. But I was dragging the entire time. It felt like a lowsy workout to me, BUT I was sweating and red faced and in need of plenty of water, so it must have been ok. I am happy I went. It would have been nice to sleep, but I made this committment and I would have been VERY disappointed with myself (once I fully woke up) if I missed just because I didn't feel like getting up. (When all the older kids went to school, I put in Little Mermaid and fell into a coma while Tess watched her movie. I don't have it too rough ;o)

So just 2 more weeks to the half way point. I am looking forward to it. It has been an exercise in discipline not to get on the scale. I am looking forward to checking in on my progress (and that of the other girls), even with the fitness test. (And I really dislike fitness tests) But for the first time in my life, I'm doing pushups! Granted, they are modified (or girl) pushups, but that's still huge for me. I swore them off at birth, so this is good.

Meanwhile, I started getting a cold on Thursday. It was inevitable, really. Dan and Alyssa have both had them. They both say they couldn't have given me theirs because they still have them, so I guess I got mine from somewhere else, though. I was REALLY hoping to make it through this 10 weeks without getting a cold or sick. I am such a baby when I don't feel good, even if it is just a cold. And I can't imagine doing all the cardio with either snot running down my face or with being stuffed up and unable to breathe or hacking up a lung. So I decided to try Zycam. It's the stuff that you are supposed to take at the first sign of a cold and it is supposed to shorten the duration and severity of your cold. I hadn't ever tried it before, but from the few people I've heard talk about it (mostly on the radio, so I don't even k now if that counts) they really swear by it. It is a little pricey, so I hope it works, but if it does, it will be so worth it. I started it before bed on Thursday night and so far I have been happy. I will give a full review on this product in a week or two, depending on how it all turns out :o) Stay tuned...

Background Info

There's something that has been on my mind since starting this blog and I really want to address it so anyone reading can know where I am coming from. I have read through different blogs of amazing people who have/had very significant amounts of weight to lose. Their stories are amazing. Their honesty and determination is overwhelming and it is neat to get to be a cheerleader from the sidelines as these individuals work their ways towards a healthier life. I am just an average person. While I do not have a perfect body by any stretch of the imagination, I also know I don't have a large amount of weight to lose. When reading these other blogs, I start to wonder if people are wondering if this is just a shallow attempt at ...something on my part. I don't have many of the hurdles to cross that others do and I know there are some out there who would trade places with me in a heartbeat if given the chance.

So I just want to reiterate that this is only my journey. And it is significant to me. Many of you who are in my life now may not know that I suffered from an eating disorder (among other things) as a teenager. I was anorexic and bulemic. At one point, I got down to a size 0 and couldn't have been happier with the number. It was a self esteem issue, as well as a control issue. Much drama took place over the course of many years, but by my senior year in high school, I began eating normally again and in college, I thought I could eat like my boyfriend and gained a little more weight than would be good (those darn college years!) After I got engaged, I lost 30 pounds before my wedding and was a very healthy and comfortable weight to begin my new life as a wife. I immediately got pregnant, gained 45 pounds, but then went back to unhealthy eating habits and lost 60 after Tay was born, putting me back down to an unhealthy weight (which I enjoyed). Baby #2 I gained my 40 lbs, but lost them again right away. It was with numbers 3 and 4 when I gained my 40 pounds that it didn't all come off. And really- it has been okay. I have been okay with my size (though I'll admit the dimples here and there are a little less than endearing) and have been grateful that this is as big as I have gotten for as undisciplined as I can get.

The thing is that I go in extremes. It is not difficult for me to starve myself. The first few days may be tough, but once I get into that mental state, it is really pretty easy. And it is not difficult to eat whatever I want and thoroughly enjoy food for all it has to offer. What is difficult for me is balance and health. With the nutrition plan I am on now, I have to eat a little bit - alot. Any idea how hard that is? I would really rather not eat than to have to have just a little nibble of something (like a yogurt) every 2-3 hours. Any guesses why my metabolism is so messed up?

The other aspect to all of this is that I am a mom. 3 of my kids are girls and I so desparately want them (and Blake too) to feel good about their bodies and to be healthy. In the past several years, I have just refused to let myself participate in unhealthy eating habits (concerning anorexia or bulemia). Being a parent really can cure some things. My kids will see me eat - regularly. But learning to have the balance of fitness and proper nutrition has been tough. Partly because I hate exercise to be honest and I like yummy food. But just developing and keeping good habits is difficult.

As I started this challenge, even though I would like to lose some weight, I've tried to keep my focus on getting fit and healthy. Over and over, I have told Taylor (my 8 yr old) that my goal is to be fit, not to lose weight. I know that I have an average build and I don't want her to think that I am ashamed of it. If she ends up with an average build, I want her to still feel good about it and not obsess about it. She was with me as I was trying on some workout pants and I tried on a pair that was a just little tight in my rear, but they are the ones I chose because I figured they would fit great in a few more weeks. When I explained that, she said "Ah hah! So you do want to lose weight!." How do I explain that yes, I would like to lose weight so I am at my best and feel my best about myself but that I am also ok how I am. When I just focus on the fitness and health aspect of it, I can skirt the issue. But when asked point blank, I become unsure of how to navigate this.

The other part is that as Dan lifts weights regularly and I am now doing this challenge, we are both having to pay a great deal of attention to what we are putting in our bodies. I need so many proteins and so many carbs each day (though I don't count calories or fat) and Dan pays attention to calories and protein. Between us, we are constantly reading labels and writing stuff down. This is to ensure the balance of foods we are looking for and as we are both (me more than Dan) newer at eating this way, we really have to pay attention. But I am very uneasy about the fact that the kids are also paying attention to what we are dooing. I cringe when Taylor or Blake pick up something and read how many calories are in it. Daily, Dan and I are explaining that calories = energy and as long as they stay active and do not eat a ton of junk, it doesn't matter how many calories are in something. It is so important to me to impress on them the fact that we are eating and eating plenty but that we just have to pay attention to these things so we make sure that we are eating healthily. (But that we ARE eating!!) I really fear for my girls. Dan and I are trying to be healthy. I'm trying to find some balance. I'm trying to do it right. But I constantly fear that we send the wrong messages.

So one foot in front of the other I go. I guess I take it as it comes and that is part of the journey. But I know I can't let Satan have his way with my mind telling me I'm a fool for writing about this and that I have nothing significant to share. I know that everyone out there has their own story. Some may be jucier than others but they are all important. I really hope that reading my random thoughts will somehow let someone else know that they have their own story to live and that it is important.

MJ

2 Weeks In

Wow! 2 of 10 weeks are finished with my UBC challenge. It has honestly gone quickly. Already, I think of how intimidating it sounded when I was contemplating signing up, but it has really been a good thing! My husband likes to lift weights and has a gym pass at Cardinal Fitness. If he has his way, he will go 3 times a week and has been for over a year now. I used to go to Cardinal Fitness as well, but ended up giving up my pass due to the dust that it was acquiring. We were talking the other night about how different things work for different people. When I would just go to the gym, it was nice because I felt good about it afterwards. I knew it was a good thing to do and would help me stay in shape and all that. And sometimes it was good just to be able to be out of the house and away from the kiddos. But I can't really say that I enjoyed going to the gym. The treadmill is extremely boring. I don't like to run but I would like to like it, so I would just keep doing it just in case I'd wake up one day with a desire for it. I like lifting weights, but am really a light weight and without anyone to push me, when it would get tough, that would be a great time to stop. Plus, it is either really crowded (the first few months after the new year) with lots of people thinking this is the year to get in shape or there are the faithful regulars (about half way through the year and on) who take it all very seriously, look like they could run circles around me, and can at times be intimidating to sit down next to to lift my 40 pounds or whatever. So, inevitably, whenever I do the gym thing, I go strong for awhile, but the enjoyment factor isn't there and I trickle off.

I have told my husband more than once how surprised I am that I actually enjoy going to my classes! It has totally taken me by surprise. I've NEVER really enjoyed exercise before and when I signed up, it wasn't really with the thought that it would be fun. I knew it would be good for me, but fun did not cross my mind. So, I have been pleasantly surprised. I think it is because I enjoy it that going 6 days a week isn't a big deal. (It is hard working it into the schedule all the time, but it isn't hard to have the want to.) So what makes this a good fit for me? I think there are a couple of things. First of all, there are 6 of us who are comprise my UBC group. About half of us are die hards and there everyday regardless of what is going on. (We went out in the minus one thousand degree weather, I got a sitter one day when Dan had to work...) We are in it together. We want each other to succeed and we are taking the journey together. These guys are my friends and we just met a few weeks ago. But it makes it a lot more fun. We laugh and sweat together and if someone is late or missing, we notice. One lady, Tammy, was gone a night last week because she was sick, and she was missed! It just isn't the same. Sometimes I work out in the morning instead of the night if Dan had meetings that night and the whole group always knows ahead of time that I will be working out at a different time so they don't have to ride me for not being there. It is just a nice, homey feeling. Another aspect that I like is that most of the other people who attend the classes participated in the UBC at some point or another. Some have been going there for years and are now instructing and others may have just completed their UBC last year. (It isn't necessary for someone to do the UBC to attend the classes, but many who go through the challenge end up sticking with the classes from then on). This is really cool because they have all been there. Most started out with less than perfect bodies and a desire to get fit. They've all put in their time and sweat and they know how much work goes into it. There are no egos. There are no lifetime jocks strutting their stuff. It is a safe and comfortable place where everyone is so encouraging. Sometimes the karate students work out with us. They may be early teenage or something and they are encouraging us. It's pretty cool. I also think that the class format is good. I definitely get pushed a little farther than I would go on my own when I am in a class with an instructor or a coach. I'm less likely to give up when I see the other people working at it. If I have a partner who is just beating on the bag, I am more pumped up to beat on the bag. It is good. As I said, I have been working out at different times of the day and each group is different. The group at 6 am has a different personality and way of doing things than the 9 am group and they are both a little different than the evening group. I like going at night because that's when my UBC group goes, but I think it has been good for me to be able to go to different ones. Different instructors do different things and it is good to change things up so your bodies don't get used to the same things. Some instructors are harder and it is good to have that challenge, yet nice to have a still challenging yet easier to get into workout. In general, it has all been very positive.

Yesterday, I felt I had my worst workout yet. Though I am getting better, I am not overly coordinated with my kicking. Yesterday, we were rolling out kicks - starting with a front kick and turning to a round kick without putting our foot down. I can do a front kick and I can do a round kick, but ask me to put them together and we've got problems. Well, most of our sequences started with that combo so I struggled to ever get into a rhythm on the bag the entire morning. It was so frustrating!!! What do I do when I get frustrated? I cry. Hate that. So here I'm trying to pound on the bag and I'm mad and I feel my eyes welling up with water. Ugh! I just kept telling myself to take it out on the bag because kickboxing and crying do not go together! Thankfully, I pulled it together and composed myself. Saturdays are a mix of cardio (kickboxing) and strength (bands). The bands part went ok. Though I was really disappointed with my workout yesturday, I sure am sore today, so it must have been better than I thought!

As I have previously shared, we aren't supposed to get on the scale until 5 weeks into it. This is taking a lot of will power. I've been told that I may not even like what the scale says if I get on it now because my body is changing and though I should be loosing fat, I should also be gaining muscle and the scale will not reflect this. So, I am trying to be patient. But, my pants are definitely fitting better! Yeah! I haven't changed sizes yet, but there is a definite difference and I am confident that I will be out of 12s in the next couple of weeks. So far, the most noticable difference is in my waisteline. That used to mean more when jeans went up to your waistline, but it is really toning up. I look forward to seeing my abs at the end of 10 weeks. (They should be good - it is the only muscle group we work out every day!) So that's kind of exciting. If my rear end will just follow suit, I will be a very happy camper ;o)

So all is well. Thanks for following my journey! Hope you are having a fantastic new year and doing something for yourself! Have a great day.

Thankfulness

Do you ever have those times when you just feel desparate to hear God, but unable? I find myself there quite a bit. I'm not good at being still and waiting on the Lord. I still look for the flashing neon signs that say "MJ! Do this!" I'm beginning to think God doesn't work in Neon. But as I was driving along last night, I was thinking about a time God spoke to me just in the past few months. It was a little humbling, really. It wasn't a message of "I will never leave you or forsake you." It wasn't a "Be strong and corageous..." It wasn't even a "Cast all your anxieties upon me" message. I like those. This one was "Be thankful." And this word came in the form of a Bible passage. Luke 17:11-17 tells of 10 men who had leprosy. They cried out to Jesus to have mercy on them and in true fashion, Jesus did. He then sent them to show themselves to the priests as was custom at the time to be declared officially clean. But one man, returned to Jesus when he saw that he was healed, so he could thank him. He wasn't even one of God's "chosen people". He was a Samaritan. And he was the only one who thanked Jesus. Jesus asked, "Didn't I heal 10 men? Where are the other 9? Does only this foreigner return to give glory to God? Stand up and go, your faith has made you well." I first heard this passage preached on a couple of months ago and thought it was a good sermon. Two weeks later, it just happened to be what I was scheduled to teach in children's church. I felt pretty prepared already because I had just listened to a sermon on it. But it wasn't until about 2 weeks after that when I was at a completely different church and what do you think the message was on? You guessed it - this exact same passage. I am admittedly a slow study. But by this point, I started sitting a little straiter and thinking "Okay! Okay! I hear you!" Again, it wasn't lost on me that this wasn't a "well done, good and faithful servant" message, but we all need some gentle reminding from our father once in awhile and I needed to be reminded that He has provided me with so much - my salvation if not another thing! My heart needs to be in a constant state of gratitude. I tend to take so much for granted. While I think I do appreciate a lot of things, I also get bogged down by a lot of things and forget to take note of all the good in my life. As I was driving last night, I started thinking of many of the things in my life that I have not given thanks for. Some members of a small group I used to lead came to mind and my heart was just filled with love for them. One in particular is a man with an amazing heart for God who just happens to have Downs Syndrome. Yesturday, at church, he gave me a huge hug, asked me to be a part of his group again and then just stood there smiling and looking at me. What struck me was that he had a look of such joy and excitement that he might just burst. His eyes were sparkling in a way I've never seen anyone's and he just stood there smiling - at me. Thinking about it last night just made me smile out loud (if that makes sense) and filled me with joy. I am thankful for these wonderful people from my old small group. I am thankful for broken roads that are tough to travel. I am thankful for new friends who meet me where I'm at and old friends renewed. I am thankful my children who try my patience and test my endurance, but who make my life so full and complete. I am thankful for my husband who to his last breath would do anything for his children and I. I am so thankful that I am able to start this new year with a focus on me - physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am feeling so refreshed and so good and so incredibly grateful - and it is all just beginning. Most of all, I am thankful for my Heavenly Father who is so faithful and true. His Word never changes or falters. His love is rock solid. His mercy is new every morning and His grace is available 24 hours a day. He carries me in the depths of my sorrow. He sticks around when I can't even call out His name for lack of energy or even "want to" and waits patiently to lift me up and provide a renewed spirit. How amazing is my God!



I would like to think that I have learned me lesson. Unfortunately, I will probably need to be reminded again. My focus fades, my attention wanders, my flesh becomes impatient. But I am grateful that I have a Father who is willing to gently remind me...again.

What a differnece a week makes!

So I finished my first full week of UBC and am feeling really good! After last Friday and Saturday's workouts, I must say I was pretty scared. But Monday came and went and I was able to get back into a groove with my workouts. Last night was probably my best workout yet as I really got into a zone and it was really fun. I had a partner on the bag who was working just as hard as I was and it was nice because it really challenged me. But the big test came today. Saturday's classes are longer and we do both kickboxing and bands. Last week, I could barely function after that class, so there was a bit of a mental thing going on before I even got to class today. But I am happy to report that while it was tough, it was still a great class and I walked out feeling good! Yeah! Tomorrow is my free day and then its back at it on Monday.

I'm starting to get a hang of the nutritional part of this program. The focus is on raising our metabolism. We need to eat 6 times a day to help our bodies know that there's always going to be food there to burn so they don't hold onto it and store it as fat. We are supposed to eat 6 proteins, 6 carbohydrates, and 2 vegetables, though we can trade out carbohydrates for vegetables. (Ideally, 1 carb and 1 protein each meal with veggies added at lunch and supper) We need to stay away from a lot of creams and sauces like cheese sauces, butter, sour cream, Miracle Whip, Syrup etc. and watch the sugar intake in things like ketchup. We are also supposed to drink between 1/2 and 1 gallon of water per day. The water part is cahllenging for me, but I'm getting it. I used to drink a ton of diet soda and I quit having it in the house after Thanksgiving. It isn't a forbidden thing, but I save it for when I am out and then it is a treat. Even though I would drink a ton throughout the day, as soon as I switched to water, my consumption levels went down dramatically. So it is definitely a conscious effort to drink as much as I need. I have managed between 8 and 9 glasses a day, though, so it is going well. As far as what I eat, my main problem is that it is pretty boring so far. I have stuck to it pretty strictly and I wholeheartedly believe it will do what it claims, but I look forward to figuring out some different recipes so it isn't so plain. I think I'll get there, though. I have a couple of people helping me think up stuff, so I'll let you know if we come up with something really good. I have to admit the power carrot cake has over me, though :o) Sundays are free days to not work out and to eat whatever we want. Wedon't want to go hog wild, but it is actually good to eat a little more to keep our energy levels up and our calorie consumption high enough. Last Sunday, I still ate decent, but I had a coffee date with a friend at 3 Brothers in Woodstock, where I had a piece of carrot cake. I love carrot cake and this particular piece was wonderful! So as I have gone throughout my week, one huge thing that kept me from cheating was thinking about that carrot cake. If I don't eat well throughout the week, I don't get my free day on Sunday. If I don't get my free day, I don't get carrot cake! Simple as that. Now, I have no idea if I will make it back to 3 Brothers this week or not, but I might just start using Sundays as my evening to catch up with friends over coffee!

On Health...

As I am talking about an all around healthier new me, there is one aspect that I haven't yet touched on that is very real in me life. That is my actual physical health. Many of you know that almost 2 years ago, my body kind of started spazzing out on me. I had reached the tender old age of thirty. My husband has always teased me that it is all downhill from 30 and sometimes, it seems he has a point. It is a little difficult to describe what all goes on with my body because it has really been a multitude of things. I've had numb hands and feet; feet that have fallen asleep on me even when standing and doing things, tingling over my entire body - at times extremely escalated in the heat or when adjusting from hot to cold, arms that get sore and heavy (like magnets are pulling them to the ground), sore back and neck, sore joints (we would joke that I am the tin man and need an oil can just to get up off the floor), tremors in my hands, cramping in my feet and legs that would come and go for weeks, an eye twitch, tiredness, and the most bizarre (and somewhat humorous) was when I had a couple of week stretch of jerking awake throughout the night. I know that sounds like a normal thing and usually it is, but I was doing it like 8-10 times an hour and would almost jerk off the bed. Sometimes I would end up laying on the couch begging for real sleep. Now, to be fair, I've never had all these things going on at the same time and while most have happened from the get go, this has also been over the course of the last 20 months. Much of it comes and goes. I am on about 4 years now of having my back tingle (like when a limb falls asleep) and that is part of my new normal. Other than that, most things have stayed at bay for awhile. The main symptoms I encounter are the tingling all over the body and the heavy arms. They come and go, but almost always re-appear when I am stressed. I saw a neurologist for awhile and he did a multitude of tests for Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and they came back negative. So it was concluded I must have a virus. I was on a combination of antidepressants and tranquilizers (like valium) to combat the symptoms, but they didn't really work and I gave up on them. I didn't see the use of being on meds to mask the symptoms of something we have no clue about when it wasn't even working. I have started seeing a chiropractor who specializes in natural therapies. He has given me some natural food supplements to help strengthen my immune system against viruses, but he also thinks my adrenals are a little sluggish. Not to the point of being diagnosed with a medical condition, but enough that they aren't working efficiently. This could explain a lot of the achey joints and the fact that I almost always feel it physically first when I am getting stresses (since the adrenals are your fight or flight responder or where your adrenaline comes from) It could also address some of the sluggishness I often feel. So I am taking natural food supplements for that as well. Natural food supplements are new for me as I have always been a firm believer in modern medicine and thought holistic stuff was "out there". However, I have come to believe that God has made our bodies so incredibly that there is a lot that they can do to regenerate and care for themselves when treated properly. And I KNOW that my daily meals are not all that nutritious, sad to say. Besides, given the choice between antidepressants and tranquilizers (that weren't working) or natural food supplements (which can only help me get all the nutrients I need anyway), it's not too difficult.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that as I have been working out, my body is under stress, so of course I have become tingly all over my body again. It isn't constant, but pretty regular again and it is so frustrating. It's not surprising, but frustrating nonetheless. Last night, as I was laying in bed, just my nose was tingling. It is strange to have this thing sticking out in the middle of your face tingling. But it has made me consider my motives for doing this Ultimate Body Challenge. Yes, I want to get fit. I want to loose a little weight. But there is also a part of me that wants my body to be strong. In the back of my mind there is always the possibility that in 5 years from now it will be decided that I do have MS or some other diagnosis other than a virus. Should that be the case, do I want to fight it with a weak, unfit body or with a fit, strong body? With proper exercise and diet, many people become markedly better from whatever has been ailing them and can even quit medications. Granted, I don't have a heart condition or diabetes, but could the same principle apply for me? If I get my act together nutritionally and get a strong body, could my body take care of itself? Just things I ponder.

In general, I am well and as this is all going on almost 2 years, it has very much become "background" in my life and except when something rears its ugly head for a bit, I don't really pay it much attention anymore. But if this "journey" I am on could cause me to be physically whole, as well as mentally and spiritually, I will welcome it. God is good, regardless of where my body takes me. I am grateful for the health I have and that of my family. I am grateful for each day He gives me that I feel great (which is many more than when I don't feel great) and I have been learning to just not take it for granted. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Before Pictures

OK - here are some before pictures. I'm not sure what look is on my face and I hadn't done my hair yet or anything, but you get the picture. Please excuse the immodesty, but I wanted a good picture of the abs as I am hoping to really tone those up. I actually don't mind my size too terribly much, but do want to get tone and fit (and have more energy). I'm moving much better today - yeah! Good thing because today starts a new week and it's back to the gym tonight. Without trying to sound dramatic, I'm a little more scared now. My bootie was kicked this weekend. But that's all part of it,right?

No Pain, No Gain, Right?

I woke up at 2 in the morning and almost screamed. I think I had done something silly like roll over. My entire body hurt! The rest of the night was fitful and when I got up this morning, I tried to stretch. Stretching is good, right? That's what you are supposed to do. I stood in my strattle and reached towards the ground, but my arms didn't seem to go anywhere. So I sat, figuring that must be it. It was supposed to be a strattle that I was sitting in, but admittedly, my legs didn't really want to open. So Taylor, my 8 year old, comes and does her strattle stretch in the form of the splits, reaching her arms all the way out until her face was on the floor, right next to me! Me dear, dear husband has so much faith, though. He said "Just give her 10 weeks, Tay, and your mom will be whooping you!" I almost see that:o) I then told Dan that I feel like a sissy girl, to which my 3 year old, Tess, caught on to and ran in circles reciting "sissy girl!" I praise God that today was Sunday - a very real day of rest. I could barely walk down the steps, I don't have a clue how I wold have worked out today.

It being Sunday, we were off to church where Dean Niforates was speaking again. He talked about Freedom in Christ. About letting go of all the things we hold on to that we tend to let define us and being free and whole in Christ. He especially talked about not holding on to things in the past. At first, I sat there thinking this was relavent, but I have really worked on doing that over the years. And truly, I have. There's been a lot to give to God and it has taken time, but I have handed much of it over to him. But then I realized 2 things. 1) I tend to hand things over temporarily. And I do feel the freedom when I do. But then I forget that I put my burdens and past sins and experiences at the cross and I pick them back up and carry them again. And it is usually when I am already letting myself get bogged down with life that I add the past back on. That is not freedom. When I give it to God, he doesn't hold onto it just to return it at a later date! It is gone. In me, it keeps coming back. In Him, it doesn't exist and only when I keep the Holy Spirit in the drivers seat is there going to be freedom. 2) It is a continual process. Yes, many things in my life have been reconciled and given to the Lord, but even yesturday is the past. I have things from just the last year or two that God is really working on me with. I haven't really considered it something that defines me because it is still stuff that I am working through. But in "working through" it, I know there are parts of my heart that are still closed. I pray for God to open them and work on them, but in myself, I do not want them open. I guess I'm praying for him to work on me in spite of me, so I can truly live free in him. This is all good for me to meditate on. I have been convicted lately that I really want to be a person who when people see me, they see someone who is joyful in spite of anything because of the Lord. I just don't think that is easy to accomplish in bondage.

Off and Running!

Last night was the first night of my UBC (Ultimate Body Challenge). To start it all out, we all took measurements and got our "before picture" taken, as well as a brief fitness test. After the fitness test, we set goals for our 5 week assessment. We will not remeasure until the midpoint at 5 weeks and I am not supposed weigh myself until then, so I wont have any actually weight or inches results to report until then (unless I cheat and step on that scale -this will be a challenge!) I think I will try to post a "before picture" when I get a chance, but the one we took last night is on their camera, not mine, so I will need to take one first.



Measurements:

Arms: 11 1/2 in (R) 11 1/4 in (L)

Chest: 35 3/4 in

Waiste: 30 1/4 in

BellyButton: 32 in

Hip/thigh: 41 3/4 in

Calves: 15 1/4 in (R) 15 1/4 in (L)

Thighs: 25 3/4 in (R) 24 3/4 in (L)

Body Fat: 29%

Weight: 156 lbs.



I'm not sure yet what my goals are. I would like to be 140 or under, but am really more concerned with having a tone body. Eventually having "Jennifer Aniston arms" wouldn't bother me much :o) I am currently a size 10/12 and would like to end at a 7 or below. That will probably be my main measurement that I follow.



Fitness Test: 5 Week Goal:

Push Ups - Modified (girl) 24 in a minute 33 in a minute

(60% for age bracket) (85% for age bracket)



Sit Ups 21 in a minute 33 in a minute

(25% for age bracket) (75% for age bracket)



Flexibility (Sit and Reach) 19 1/2 in 23 in

(75% for age bracket) (80% for age bracket)





OK, obviously I didn't break any records with my fitness level. I've NEVER even tried to claim I could do push ups, pull ups, chin ups, or any other ups. I went to do my first sit up and realized that I probably haven't done an actual sit up since High School. I've done crunches, but not sit ups. They weren't so easy to do! But this is a starting place. I look forward to seeing where I end up.



We also talked about the Diet/Nutrition part some last night, but I need to study it a little more before I comment much on it. It will definitely be a change. Yikes.



After our measurments and fitness test, it was time for class. I've gone to kickboxing class a few times before and while they were definitely a challenge, they were nothing compared to last night! I think it was our "Welcome to UBC!" We started right out with a ton of kicking and kept the kicking up throughout the class. I don't know about you, but I don't usually spend my spare time kicking, so after awhile I was tuckered out! But I made it to the end and hobbled home. The worst part was actually that my foot has a crack in it right on the ball of it and we spend most of the time pivoting on the balls of our feet. If anyone has any ideas to help remedy this (quickly!), please let me know! Today, I went with Neosporin, Bandaids, and Cushy socks.



On Saturdays, our class is at 7:30 am (after leaving the gym at 9:00 last night). This was my first Saturday class and if I thought last night was tough... oh my! Saturdays are a combination of kickboxing and resistance (bands) and todays focus was on lower body (so yes, lots more kicking). By the end, I'm not sure I was making much impact with the bag at all. It was all I could do to go through the motions, let alone put any force behind it. It is funny, I have found that when I get tired, my mind quite working too. I could barely remember what sequence I was supposed to be doing and would sometimes have to start over simply because my mind was shutting down. I ended up having to say it out loud "kick, kick, cross, hook, kick, kick". One day, I'll get it down.



Tomorrow is a day of rest and already I am grateful! I am still so excited to be taking doing this UBC, but reality has quickly sunk in - It's gonna hurt!



Tonight, I am off to see Dean Niforatus speak at church. He came last year and is really an amazing and gifted speaker filled to the brim with the Holy Ghost! I am excited to go and am looking forward to some awesome worship time. More later. Have a great day!

My very first blog

What a creative title to this post... Yet, it is accurate. I have never blogged before and honestly never dreamed I would. I have never really had anything that interesting to regularly talk about. But today I am starting a new journey and the idea popped into my head to write about it. It isn't really that I think it will be so amazing for anyone reading this, but more for accountability. The devil dwells in the darkness, so I am choosing to turn on the light and share my journey with others. As the name of my blog says, it is a journey to a brave new me.

This journey is really 2 fold, at least. First of all, is the excursion to a fit new me. Don't we all say that at the beginning of a new year? This wasn't actually a New Years Resolution; it just happens to be the timing that an opportunity presented itself. Today signals the first day of an Ultimate Body Challenge that I signed up for. While this program is not everywhere, it is actually a national challenge that places have to be certified to offer. It is a 10 week challenge in which I have agreed to work out 6 days per week. On MWF, I have a Kardio Kickboxing class and on TR, I have strength training with bands. Saturday mornings are a combination of the 2. On top of the workouts, I will commit to a diet that is aimed at speeding up my metabolism. I'm not sure what that will look like yet; I will find at our kickoff meeting tonight. I am excited about the prospect of getting fit and healthy. I've done the skinny thing. I've done the not so skinny thing. Now I am finally ready to tackle the fit and healthy thing.

The second part is more of a spiritual journey. I've been on this pilgrimage for quite some time, but I am sensing it is time to really dig in again. I have been on the Mountain top before and I am really not satisfied being anywhere else. God is so graceful to be as patient with me as He is. I am such a slow study. I have been slowly catching on to some of the life lessons God has in store for me, but I am positive it is only the tip of the iceberg. One of my biggest roadblocks, I know, is discipline. I know I do not need to be legalistic, but I do need discipline (a naughty word for us phlegmatics :o) ) So while working on my physical me, why not work on the spiritual me, as well and have a whole new package?

As I said above, one purpose for writing here is for accountability. I am somewhat fearful of opening this can of worms as there is a fear of failure. That happens often. But since it is quite likely that WILL happen, I am hoping this will help motivate me to get back up and keep going. I would love any feedback and encouragement you have to give. The second purpose for writing is in the event that someone can identify with my journey and maybe we can be fellow travelers on the same path.

All that being said, "WE'RE OFF!" 2009 is the year of A BRAVE NEW ME!