No Pain, No Gain, Right?

I woke up at 2 in the morning and almost screamed. I think I had done something silly like roll over. My entire body hurt! The rest of the night was fitful and when I got up this morning, I tried to stretch. Stretching is good, right? That's what you are supposed to do. I stood in my strattle and reached towards the ground, but my arms didn't seem to go anywhere. So I sat, figuring that must be it. It was supposed to be a strattle that I was sitting in, but admittedly, my legs didn't really want to open. So Taylor, my 8 year old, comes and does her strattle stretch in the form of the splits, reaching her arms all the way out until her face was on the floor, right next to me! Me dear, dear husband has so much faith, though. He said "Just give her 10 weeks, Tay, and your mom will be whooping you!" I almost see that:o) I then told Dan that I feel like a sissy girl, to which my 3 year old, Tess, caught on to and ran in circles reciting "sissy girl!" I praise God that today was Sunday - a very real day of rest. I could barely walk down the steps, I don't have a clue how I wold have worked out today.

It being Sunday, we were off to church where Dean Niforates was speaking again. He talked about Freedom in Christ. About letting go of all the things we hold on to that we tend to let define us and being free and whole in Christ. He especially talked about not holding on to things in the past. At first, I sat there thinking this was relavent, but I have really worked on doing that over the years. And truly, I have. There's been a lot to give to God and it has taken time, but I have handed much of it over to him. But then I realized 2 things. 1) I tend to hand things over temporarily. And I do feel the freedom when I do. But then I forget that I put my burdens and past sins and experiences at the cross and I pick them back up and carry them again. And it is usually when I am already letting myself get bogged down with life that I add the past back on. That is not freedom. When I give it to God, he doesn't hold onto it just to return it at a later date! It is gone. In me, it keeps coming back. In Him, it doesn't exist and only when I keep the Holy Spirit in the drivers seat is there going to be freedom. 2) It is a continual process. Yes, many things in my life have been reconciled and given to the Lord, but even yesturday is the past. I have things from just the last year or two that God is really working on me with. I haven't really considered it something that defines me because it is still stuff that I am working through. But in "working through" it, I know there are parts of my heart that are still closed. I pray for God to open them and work on them, but in myself, I do not want them open. I guess I'm praying for him to work on me in spite of me, so I can truly live free in him. This is all good for me to meditate on. I have been convicted lately that I really want to be a person who when people see me, they see someone who is joyful in spite of anything because of the Lord. I just don't think that is easy to accomplish in bondage.